Let there be peace on earth…and let it begin with me
The kids and I went to Reconciliation last Wednesday night at St. Gabriel Catholic Church. We are now official parishioners of St. Gabriel’s enjoying the idea of being among the angels and the angel Gabriel is big among the angels we know of – especially during the Christmas season. Our resident parish is St. Matthew’s, but it became too hard to be there after the tragedy. Maybe it just used to be David’s parish and ours, but without him attending and the girls…just too hard. We have friends there but it is a big Catholic mega church so perhaps a bit smaller is needed in our suffering. We followed Father Reid across town to St. Ann’s when Jessica and Ryan wanted to get married there. St. Ann’s is a lovely small church that is so beautiful, complete with 12 life size statues of some of our favorite saints looking down over the pews. The time that we attended St. Ann’s as a family was amazing and I felt like we had found our new home and community.
This comfort was short lived when Jessica became ill with Lyme disease. The wedding plans went on hold and the drive and the mass times no longer worked with her condition. We found ourselves continually meeting our obligation to attend Mass at St. Gabriel’s, which wasn’t St. Matthew’s but also wasn’t St. Ann’s. The multiple Mass times made it possible to be together if Jessie was as up for the journey. We hadn’t planned to be there, nor did we make a conscious choice to be there; it just worked. So, after over a year of making it each weekend to St. Gabriel’s, the Crespi family joined the St. Gabriel family.
St. Gabriel’s penance service was set for the evening of Wednesday, December 18, within the Charlotte Diocese. We made plans to attend and we were all well enough to keep those plans. YES!!! Jessie does do better with her health issues in the evening so it was a reasonable hope from the start but still completely worthy of celebrating being able to actually do it. Hope realized should be celebrated and we do that every day!
The service began with Father Frank offering some readings and encouragement and then several priests came forward and went to their assigned locations. Due to the public nature of some of the locations, we opted to join the line in the back of the church to meet the priest in the confessional.
We heard that Father Ed was the guy behind the closest door and, as everyone seems to love Father Ed, we were pleased to have drawn him as our priest. People left the room with relief and a lightness not seen as they entered. I had never talked one on one with Father Ed and welcomed the opportunity.
I entered the room and sat down, said the routine phrase of confession and waited for his direction. What a sweet representative of Christ he is and what grace he bestowed on me as I briefly shared my pain and fears. Our time ended with him encouraging me not to lose hope and that much had been asked of me and our family and that he would welcome the young adult children. I told him how happy I was that Jessie, Dylan and Josh were there and we noted how Tessara and Samantha in heaven were probably doing great at that moment as well. We also talked of David and prison and tragedy. Father Ed left me with the penance to pray for peace and reminded me to take care of myself with all that was going on.
Dylan was next in line and Josh had gone to the room next door. Jessie remained in line as I went into the church. The organist was playing as others were doing their confessions in the front and sides of the church.
There were people praying all around the sanctuary, a few kids running (it was late in the evening) and the low murmur of people connecting – quiet and mostly reverent overall. The organist began a new song -”Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me.” How nice that my penance prayer was accompanied by music and a favorite song from my childhood. I thought of my mom taking me as a child to choir practice with her, with my memories enhanced by my mom’s voice singing this very song. My mom passed in 1993 so it has been a while since I have heard her voice on earth. I am often overwhelmed with missing Tess and Sam, especially during this sacred time of year, and must remember to breathe as I walk through the season.
“Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me. Let there be peace on earth, the peace that was meant to be. With God as our Father, brothers all are we. Let me walk with my brother, in perfect harmony. Let peace begin with me; let this be the moment now. With every step I take, let this be my solemn vow; to take each moment and live each moment in peace eternally.”
I reflect on how St. Gabriel and all the angels and saints are blessing us. We feel their peace and care. I see Joshua up and to my left, he is kneeling. Dylan enters and plants himself on his knees up and to the right. I thank God that these young men, my sons, my brothers, are here. I thank God that they are on their knees praying to a power so much greater than anything I could provide for them. I thank God that their well-being isn’t just up to me and David. We share this responsibility with God and I thank God that when they rise, they rise with His grace to go into the world to love and serve Him and their fellow man. Jessie, my daughter, my sister, comes in and kneels over and to the right.
We leave stronger, more resolved, a bit lighter and better able to share the peace that starts with each of us. We end this late evening going out for good food together on a quiet December evening right before Christmas. We are filled with peace and calm and harmony within ourselves and our family and are better able to share that peace with the world. Let this be the moment now.
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